11. 02. 2010 [THURSDAY]
This afternoon, i have a bad feeling that something bad is gonna happen. He im me on msn, he said alot of things, but i only get one conclusion. He wants to end everything. I already expected, but i never thought it would be so fast. In the whole conversation i only appologized and ask him one question that i've longed to know, i asked him whether the profession and everything he told me was real. He say it is. I'm really grateful about it, but i promise him i'll go and not to interrupt his life anymore. I know after everything he said he just wants me to leave and make this an end. He seem to let go everything already but i can't. It's so shocking until i can't believe what he has done. He blocked me in his msn. He removed me from his facebook. Because i posted " I know u're there, u said it's stupid , but u did it " this status, he send me the last email through facebook, he said, " i really have to end this shit, there's something wrong here,i'm the one facing everything not u. I didn't enjoy my CNY at all u know? I'm not happy at all!! " I really didn't mean to make all this happen. I feel so useless when i can't takeaway the consequences u're facing now. Because it's my fault. I'm suppose to face all this not u. I really am sorry. U did really right. U deleted me from your life, i've lost the very precious thing in my life. I deserve this. I never heard u say u'll love me forever because u know u can't do it.
" You thorn my heart into pieces. You broke it once, twice. And I'm still there never giving up this hope. You'll never know how it feels inside. It's the pain you have given to me. My love towards , you'll never know. But when u're really happy, i'll show the smile even though my heart still hurts. Now i see you walk away, my smile fades away. Everything i do, i just want you to be happy. "
You're the one special guy i've met, u use to be so special to me, and now u're still buried deep inside my heart, i'll never let u out, i can't forget this past. I use to be ur angle but now i'm ur enemy. This is what i get in the end of this so called " relationship " , i put in so much love that i can't even measure. But u wasted it all. I don't know what can i do know, but i'll still continue to uphold u in a prayer every night. I'll ask God to take away my happiness and give it to u, i'll exchange my happiness with ur unhappiness. IMY.